for fellow daydreamers

I feel like we understand each other less the more time goes by

Where do the words go?

smilesforzander:

when they aren’t falling from my fingertips or dripping from my pen? Are they being whispered into someone else’s ear or written in a crumpled note, maybe they are running through someone else’s head.  You know the words haven’t been visiting me like they used to.  It isn’t as easy to find them when you try.  So I’ll just wonder what escapade they are on without me and hope that eventually they will migrate back to my head to help me find ways to explain the tangle of thoughts clogging my brain waves.  I’ve been far too quiet lately .

The Silent Fight

They didn’t fight like other couples.  There was no shouting, no crying or crashing. No they fought with thoughts. They didn’t need the others anger to start the debates from happening, they were always in thought. Silent tug-of-war and glares. They fought with high chins and planted feet, with statements and ultimatums not said. After all of the rolled eyes they went to bed together and woke up the next morning. Arguments would begin and end without any recognition.  Most didn’t see the love, because who could love with such little passion.  They could, that’s why they were together.  

Ghosts and predictions

Memories are funny, our brains generally remember just what they want.  Until it matters, and then all the forgotten moments flood in, it wasn’t all bad.  Then it’s just confusion because when so much time has gone by its hard to decide which to go with. Because when evil eyes turn out not so evil and the ghost of Christmas past turns out to be a humanbeing the world is suddenly turned upside down.  But then again I’m not very surprised, I’ve always been a pretty good judge of character, I may have wished that you wouldn’t have turned out into everything I knew but that seems to not be the case, on the contrary everything I predicted actually happened. But instead of laughing I told you so I can’t bring myself to see it.  It must be a lie.  And somehow you still see right through me. 

Christmas in California

The power was out today. Yep. Not only in our apartment, but the gym. So the man and I had an unexpected day together, which was nice. We never get to sleep in.  But since we didn’t want to sit around in the dark all day we went and bought a Christmas tree.  We didn’t have one last her, partly because we moved in last december and were too busy unpacking to go out and get one.  They are surprisingly cheap, ours is about six feet tall and was only 25 bucks. Then we went and got a star, and a string of lights…and that’s as far as we got. I’m told that in other places there are like, forests where you can find and cut down  your own tree.  They don’t have that here, our trees come from parking lots and empty spaces, they are wrapped up by high school students who are trying to get extra money. There is no snow here, only cotton on lawns and roofs. No icicles, just twinkly strings of lights. 

But with that chirstmas tree, it sure smells like december. 

Knocked off

I was cruel when you met me.  I didn’t care about anyone, not about you, I just wanted to keep myself occupied, and used everyone around me to do it.  You were one of the first to stand up to me, really stand up to me, and tell me to stop. I didn’t stop doing it, but I began to take you more seriously, to the point that you were the only person I treated at my level.  You were the first person for me to fully trust, and that wasn’t something I was used to, not at all. I was used to knowing people, not trusting them. We had fun before we fell in love, to be honest it was my plan all along.  I wanted to give it a shot, you know, the whole relationship thing…not the faithfulness thing.  That wasn’t in the plan necessarily, it happened, I reacted that was it.  Always looking to keep occupied. 

It blew up in my face, lost more than I gave and for the first time I felt guilt, real guilt for what I did.  So I sacrificed my time and spine to make it up to you.  I would have walked the world to keep you happy, not because I wanted it, but because you deserved it. And after trying so hard you left me, breaking my already thinning poison filled pride. 

Hell, maybe that was your plan all along, to bring me back to eye level. 

I just want to be more to you

After the Choice is Made

smilesforzander:

She didn’t know where she was, or how she got there.  She wasn’t sure what happened to the freespeaking girl she once was now she only freely thought, never spoke. 

 When is the exact moment where society sucks the life out of you? Is it when you graduate high school? When you sign your first full employment contract? Or is it over the hours and hours of college coursework and lectures.  What happened to the kids who wanted to become firefighters and astronauts? Do any of them ever really get there?

  Not that it mattered to her…it was too late for her.  High black heels clicked on the concrete, car is unlocked, beeps, and again she is sitting.  On her way to a place she felt she had always been.   She remembered when night meant getting ready, picking out a jaw dropping outfit and laughing with friends, but now all it meant was a long drive home.  She wasn’t happy, she was content, content with her nice house and well paying job.  It was something she worked hard for, even if it wasn’t her original plan.  Her thoughts of remorse were not for herself, she made her own choices. 

  She thought for the ones who had not made the choice yet, who let the looming fear of failure dictate their decisions and force them to the mediocre side of the line.  Fake competition and desire for material items drive the pummeled mind, numb from recent rejections to the safe stable life of the generations above.  The life they once spat at I’ll never be mediocre the brain would shout I’m not like most people.  She didn’t regret the decision, only that she let herself be bullied into it.

 She knew she was one of thousands having this internal conversation; they too hid their tattoos and took out their piercings.  It’s all a test, to see which of us are the strongest, who is brave enough to hold on to their ideals and actually live to the fullest.    It’s never too late to start.